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Puberty: Part 2

By Aiden Ashley
7 February 2013 1,137 views 2 Comments

photoMy body is going threw changes and I feel like a confused teenager. Many people told me that around 24 I would ‘calm down’ a bit but I had no idea bodies had such an internal clock. Often, I have been the girl going out almost every single night. Living the Hollywood nightlife. Rocking & rolling… you know how it goes in the night light. Adventures every night. Most of them involving large quantities of alcohol. Jack Daniels was my best friend and the night held my soul.

However, I have been very confused for about the past six months. All the parties are the same. All the faces are the same. The concerts and clubs are the same as they were 3 years ago, and the same as they will be 3 years from now. It was starting to feel like living in a party version of Groundhogs Day. It became not fun anymore.

I really felt this hard during AVN weekend. I use to be the girl up until 6am at the circle bar, than up again by 10am. I guess I didn’t need sleep then? I don’t know how I even pulled that off, I fucking love sleeping!! Well this year, I was freaking out. I felt mature… or old… or something gross!! I found myself thinking, “I should just stay in tonight so my skin looks good tomorrow & I’m rested for the days events.” I wasn’t looking to party anymore. I was looking to work and forward my career.

Then this past Saturday I went to a club for a friend’s birthday that I use to frequent weekly. It was fun, until about 1am. I got home & wished I left so much earlier. I hated the fact that I drank too much. I hated the fact I couldn’t get up early the next day to get things done. It sucked. I have also developed the gene for a hangover this past year. Before, I would wake up feeling great. Now, it’s a two-day process and that’s not worth it anymore. All the time I loose just stress me out now. Success became above nightlife.

Basically, Its weird how everyone is right. The party is over in my head and now I get more satisfaction out of success. I want to live and breathe my goals in order to become something great. Glad I got the Hollywood party craving years out of my system while still young. Nothing worse then a 40 year old mess of a girl still acting 25! Now it’s the time to look toward my future and accomplish my goals.

This is a quote I have always held very close “I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day.” –Vincent Van Gogh.

I still love the nighttime more and am always more inspired once the sun goes down. I just believe its time now to take a break from the pointless alcohol and parties. Time to be inspired and inspire. Time to become a household name ;)

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  • Rich

    That’s commonly known as adulthood, my dear. :-) Funny thing is that you seem to be right on schedule; many people seem to reach that point, entering their mid-twenties. Beside the fact that you begin to feel the years going by a bit more acutely by then, and think more about your own health and self-preservation, you tend to start looking for (and hopefully finding) something a little bit more substantial and worthwhile in the elements that make up your life: your friendships, relationships and other points of interaction. And of course, your own thoughts, hopes and ambitions. Things that really require clear eyes and a clear mind. I reached that point in my own life at age 23, and walked away from all of that. 21 years later, and I’ve never regretted that decision.

    Scary and confusing, maybe, but these changes that you’re feeling are positive ones, Aiden. And I’m happy for you. The best things in your life are yet to come.

  • Krensley

    Aiden, it’s refreshing to hear your honest soul-searching on this. It’s like in your last three photosets: you look thoughtful, mature — beautiful. Swim with the changes. You don’t have to worry about being “old”, because you are still young. But there are different levels of “young”. When you are 23 or 24 you wake up and realize that you’re not 18 anymore. The reality is this: there’s a certain level of abuse that your body can take when you’re 18 – 21. After that, its ability to take that abuse decreases. You notice it. You feel it. It takes longer for it to bounce back. Mid-20s is a typical period to notice this. You are still young, though, and there’s lots to look forward to. You are an intelligent, creative, college-educated chick. The excitement is only beginning.